Goodbye

The worst kind of good bye is the kind that you don’t expect. The worst is when you don’t even consider it an option, because four months ago they were telling you that you were the love of their life and now the word forever isn’t even uttered from their lips. Four months ago they were looking at you like you put the sun in the sky and now they look at you like they can’t wait for the sun to set and leave the skies over their head.

The worst kind of good bye is the kind that you dread. You feel it leaking into every crevice of your heart and you’ll try not to talk because you can hardly take a breath in, let alone beg them to stay while they stabbing wounds like “it’s over” and “I can’t do this anymore”. You’re holding in your tears and replacing them with anger and words with a lot more bite than bark like “I don’t even want you anymore”. And they’ll look at you all sad because you both know you’re lying but God fuck if they’re going to leave then just rip off the fucking band aid don’t wait around to see if the wound will heal. 

The worst kind of good bye is the kind that echoes through your body months later because they left their fingerprints on parts of your body that you couldn’t expect like the back of your eyelids or the spaces between your fingertips. 

The worst kind of good bye is the kind that enters like a bullet but crawls it’s way out like blood from a cut. You feel it everywhere and you let it haunt you because you’d rather picture them saying “good bye” a million times than not be able to see them at all.The worst kind of good bye is the kind that they left you, because no matter what you do you can’t seem to press the right buttons to rewind or close your fists hard enough to shove the words back into his mouth and replace it with the love you could’ve sworn they once felt. You could’ve sworn that good bye wasn’t even a line in your story, but suddenly it’s filled up every page you were supposed to leave for the future.