what do I do?

confession #101, this is not wais azizan. funny, isn't it? how someone could love u so dearly at the beginning but after they got u they treat u like trash? yea. u can be a sweetheart at times, i dont deny that. u have the highest patience who can deal with my bullshits. i guess that's the only reason to stay. after all the things i have gone thru, by myself, u still treat me the same. i thought u would change after u were being caught by the police on our sem break. u promised me u wont do such things anymore. and i put my trust on that. the night before u cried to me bcs u were really scared of the police and i promised to still stay by ur side even u tak ada dengan i. i promised to stay loyal. i spent those sleepless nights alone, thinking how did u sleep in the lockup, how did u eat, i prayed a lot for u. my sleeping schedule was so fucked up. and that continued for a week. after a week u called me saying that u were okay and u missed me. only Allah knows how happy i was that time, how i ate a lot after knowing u were gonna be with me again. sem break over. we met and i saw ur pictures, actually a lot of them. i asked, "who?" u said she was ur friend. ur long-lost friend. when she is actually ur ex. my heart broke, did all the things i did for u were meaningless? that meaningless until u cant even appreciate me sikit pun. u lied again, u said u went there with ur friends when all i could see was u and her roller blading together, how close u guys were in the picture. u didnt even console me. i was the one who healed my broken heart at that time. if it wasn't me who fixed the situation back, i dont know who would. weeks after that i caught u texting with ur ex. i let that sink in again. 2 weeks after that i said i would wait for u, i said i never thought of anyone else for my future. u see.. after all that happen i still want u in my life. but what makes me shock was ur answer, "dont wait for me. we both dont know who's gonna be our spouse. dont waste ur time.". started from that we argued alot, we couldnt even talk to each other in a day bcs we were just going to end up arguing. one night i caught u texting with another girl whom i dont even know. u even asked her to go out, when when it comes to me u always said u were busy. i asked for a break up and i thought i could move on. but i ended up missing u, when u were so busy entertaining her. she was the girl u used to love. she was ur old schoolmate, u tried to get her heart before but it wasn't successful. now that u got to contact her back u ditched me. i know i am just a second option. i realized that and i still am. u came back to me bcs she already has a boyfriend. idk man. out of all the guys before, i chose u bcs u said u have experienced so many heartbreaks before. i thought u knew how much they broke u that u wont break me. but u proved me wrong. you cari i bila you bosan, bila you need help, bila you rasa ada orang nak ambil i dari you, other than that i am just a trash. that is who i am in your eyes. you couldnt even appreciate me. one fine day you will know and feel how much it pains me. one fine day. bcs i no longer want someone like you to be in my future even we're still together now you are now just a toy for me.